We Are Like Farmers
We are like farmers. We plant seeds of thought and emotions in our lives. That which we plant will produce effects in which we must live. There can be no effect without a cause. The cause is what we believe, how we act and react to what we experience. The cause lies within us. It is the essence of our being, our spirit. ~Iyanla Vanzant
An Incredible Obituary (post by Kirk Weisler)
I remember Stephen Covey teaching that we consider our own worldview… and what impact we would like to have on the world. He would often invite seminar participants to imagine attending their own funerals and consider how they would like their eulogy to read. (A true ‘Begin with the END in mind exercise) Then he would ask if the current life choices and HABITS we were engaged in were leading towards that eulogy. Or were they instead leading toward a eulogy that sounded more like… “He loved being with his projects more than his kids, had many professional goals and aspirations but few if any personal goals. He achieved great professional success but his personal life was a disaster.
Tom Peters didn’t dig so deep but often asked a similar question… “What do you want on your Tombstone?”
Well the Huffington Post ran a piece recently that might just be the most Incredible Thing you and I read this week. It is the obituary of Mary Mullaney also known as Pink to her family.
Mary A. “Pink” Mullaney was an 85-year-old Wisconsin woman who died on Sept. 1, leaving behind six children and 17 grandchildren. So adored was she by her family members that they crafted one of the loveliest obituaries we’ve ever read. It begins with “if you’re about to throw away an old pair of pantyhose, stop” — and only grows more colorful and strangely inspirational from there.
“We wanted something that showed who she was,” explained daughter Maryanne to WAOW.com. “We said, ‘how can we be like her and carry her pinkness across?’”
Below is the family’s look back on the lessons of Mullaney’s life.
If you’re about to throw away an old pair of pantyhose, stop. Consider: Mary Agnes Mullaney (you probably knew her as “Pink”) who entered eternal life on Sunday, September 1, 2013. Her spirit is carried on by her six children, 17 grandchildren, three surviving siblings in New “Joisey”, and an extended family of relations and friends from every walk of life. We were blessed to learn many valuable lessons from Pink during her 85 years, among them: Never throw away old pantyhose. Use the old ones to tie gutters, child-proof cabinets, tie toilet flappers, or hang Christmas ornaments.
Also: If a possum takes up residence in your shed, grab a barbecue brush to coax him out. If he doesn’t leave, brush him for twenty minutes and let him stay.
Let a dog (or two or three) share your bed. Say the rosary while you walk them.
Go to church with a chicken sandwich in your purse. Cry at the consecration, every time. Give the chicken sandwich to your homeless friend after mass.
Go to a nursing home and kiss everyone. When you learn someone’s name, share their patron saint’s story, and their feast day, so they can celebrate. Invite new friends to Thanksgiving dinner. If they are from another country and you have trouble understanding them, learn to “listen with an accent.”
Never say mean things about anybody; they are “poor souls to pray for.”
Put picky-eating children in the box at the bottom of the laundry chute, tell them they are hungry lions in a cage, and feed them veggies through the slats.
Correspond with the imprisoned and have lunch with the cognitively challenged.
Do the Jumble every morning.
Keep the car keys under the front seat so they don’t get lost.
Make the car dance by lightly tapping the brakes to the beat of songs on the radio.
Offer rides to people carrying a big load or caught in the rain or summer heat. Believe the hitchhiker you pick up who says he is a landscaper and his name is “Peat Moss.”
Help anyone struggling to get their kids into a car or shopping cart or across a parking lot.
Give to every charity that asks. Choose to believe the best about what they do with your money, no matter what your children say they discovered online.
Allow the homeless to keep warm in your car while you are at Mass.
Take magazines you’ve already read to your doctors’ office for others to enjoy. Do not tear off the mailing label, “Because if someone wants to contact me, that would be nice.”
In her lifetime, Pink made contact time after time. Those who’ve taken her lessons to heart will continue to ensure that a cold drink will be left for the overheated garbage collector and mail carrier, every baby will be kissed, every nursing home resident will be visited, the hungry will have a sandwich, the guest will have a warm bed and soft nightlight, and the encroaching possum will know the soothing sensation of a barbecue brush upon its back.
Above all, Pink wrote — to everyone, about everything. You may read this and recall a letter from her that touched your heart, tickled your funny bone, or maybe made you say “huh?”
She is survived by her children and grandchildren whose photos she would share with prospective friends in the checkout line: Tim (wife Janice, children Timmy, Joey, T.J., Miki and Danny); Kevin (wife Kathy, children Kacey, Ryan, Jordan and Kevin); Jerry (wife Gita, children Nisha and Cathan); MaryAnne; Peter (wife Maria Jose, children Rodrigo and Paulo); and Meg (husband David Vartanian, children Peter, Lily, Jerry and Blase); siblings Anne, Helen, and Robert; and many in-laws, nieces, nephews, friends and family too numerous to list but not forgotten.
Pink is reunited with her husband and favorite dance and political debate partner, Dr. Gerald L. Mullaney, and is predeceased by six siblings.
The Link is here – http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/mary-a-mullaney/
Don’t Let Rudeness Ramp Up (post by Kirk Weisler)
Great article that my wife came across titled “Why it pays to smile at work – literally” Here is an excerpt – “Companies may be reluctant to admit their offices are anything less than pleasant, but incivility – think belittling barbs or gruff responses – can lead to lost productivity, creativity and talent. As employees who are forced to do more work with fewer resources become more stressed, the rudeness is ramping up. So firms are urging staffers to play nice.” Read the rest of the short article and the access the link to the article that inspired it by clicking here.
I found it interesting that some companies are creating policies to police the culture… instead of creating a culture to police the behaviors. Hmm??
If you rude, crude, offensive, defensive, lazy and a jerk… awesome things will avoid you like the plague.
Smile, work hard and be kind… all day. Heck, all week!
Kirk Out
Let It Go- Stop Sinking Like a Stone (post by Kirk Weisler)
This is a line from a popular song my kids listened to a lot last year — if you are lost an alone or your sinking like a stone….carry on, carry on, carry on.
Well wouldn’t it be far easier to carry on if we were able to get rid of the weight that has us sinking like a stone?
My thoughts today were inspired by the following from our friend “Paul, The Ripples Guy”
Has something been weighing you down lately? Perhaps it was a missed opportunity, or someone you were counting on let you down, or maybe an
inconvenient and frustrating turn of events has left you anxious or depressed.
Regardless of the size of the “thing” that you’re dealing with right now, it might be useful to acknowledge its impact on you, grieve the loss of how you thought it would turn on, and then you can finally lighten your load: take a few breaths and say goodbye. Let. It. Go.
Paul, The Ripples Guy
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Donkey
One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
MORAL :
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred – Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries – Most never happens.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less from people but more from yourself.
Brown Bag Culture Building – A More Noteworthy Lunch (post by Kirk Weisler)
Our two teen-aged sons attend the same high school. Yesterday I heard the youngest thanking his mother for the notes she puts in with his lunch each day. He then related to her that the group of kids that he sits with each day at lunch think it’s “cool” or “rad”(short of radical) that he gets these notes. Often times the notes are quotes… and some times just “I love you” messages that include something specific about him like “You are such a thoughtful son” or “Thank you for all your help with your sisters yesterday”. Josh says it doesn’t seem to matter what it says… they gather and wait to see what’s on his napkin… and think it’s cool that his Mom cares enough to do it.
If something as simple as creating a tradition of putting a quote or note on a napkin into a brown paper bag can influence the culture of a table of teens in a high school cafeteria… then we should feel very encouraged that there are many simple and inexpensive things we can do to influence the culture of our workplaces.
I remember in our college cafeteria and in a few of the military cafeterias we would place our meal trays on a conveyor belt that would move them through a small hole in the wall delivering the dirty dishes to some people we would actually never see on the other side. One day I pulled out a marker and wrote a thank you note with a big smiley face on a napkin and waited outside the portal to listen for a reaction.
The reaction was almost immediate as an excited female voice said, “Hey look… we got a thank you note with a smiley face!” Then other excited voices joined in as they gathered behind the wall to look at the wet napkin of happiness. Well their excitement and appreciation was all I needed to do it again tomorrow….and a tradition was born.
It didn’t take long before people around noticed my peculiar daily behavior of “writing on napkins” and asked what I was doing. So I invited them to stand outside the conveyor belt portal and drink in the joy of the voices on the other side … it was all they needed to want to join in. Soon there were several of us saying thanks or writing and sharing our favorite bits of wisdom and conveying them through with some dirty dishes.
It was always my preference to remain anonymous and with the exception of one place where I did this, I never actually met anyone on the “other side”. But once I did hear from the supervisor of the kitchen crew at a college facility. He related to me that for the past several weeks notes had been coming through on the dish trays to his staff and that it had been a real morale lifter for all of them. In fact he said that all the notes were shared across shifts and pinned to a large message board in the kitchen break room. How cool is that!
What will you feed your culture today? I am sure you can think of some noteworthy way to do so. And I hope you will share your story with us here at the T4D so that we might convey it forward. Enjoy your weekend…. Kirk
Dear Daughter: Today You Start Junior High
This is a letter I will be giving to my daughter Rachel as she starts Junior High next week.
by Meredith of “The Girl Next Door Drinks and Swears”
Today you start junior high. Whoa. That’s big. And it doesn’t seem possible, as it feels like only yesterday you were telling me you did NOT need me to walk you into your kindergarten classroom – that I could just drop you off at the door. Your independence is one of the things I’ve always admired most about you (regardless of the frequent disagreements it may cause).
Lots of things are going to change for you in the upcoming months. You are growing up and not all of it is going to be pleasant. But if you can just try to put aside the idea that I am the stupidest person on the planet for the next few minutes, I feel like I have some advice that can be of some use to you. Remember – to get where I am now, I had to be your age once. Even if it was a million years ago.
Activities you are involved in are going to get a lot more competitive than what you are used to. I can say with 100% honesty that I don’t care if you come in first or last. It doesn’t matter if you are THE best, as long as you are YOUR best. In school, in sports, and in life, chances are good that there is going to be someone who is a little smarter, a little faster, or a little more talented. That’s okay! Those people inspire you to work harder. And when you find that you ARE the best at something, be humble enough to appreciate your gift and use it to help others.
Friendships can get weird during the teenage years. Hormones and emotions literally erupt and can result in hurt feelings and wounded egos. Try to keep this in mind if you find yourself on the receiving end. And, unfortunately, “mean girls” do exist. Steer clear and resist any temptation you might have to become one just to be part of the “in” crowd. That is NOT a title to hold proudly. You don’t have to be everyone’s best friend, but you will never regret making someone feel like they matter. Even if it just means smiling and saying “hello” as you pass in the hallway.
Up until now you’ve been pretty private about…well, just about everything. I was the same way so you came by it honestly. I don’t, however, think it’s a great trait so I’d like for us to work on communicating a little better. Nothing you tell me will make me stop loving you. I may get really, really pissed if you tell me you’ve done something undeniably stupid, but I’m in this for the long haul, kiddo. And my door is always open.
I know the time is drawing near where it’s not so cool to hang out with me, and my intelligence level suddenly seems to be about the same as the tree stump in our backyard. It’s as normal for you to feel like that as it is for me to embarrass you in retaliation with as much frequency and enthusiasm as I can muster. Keep that in mind when it seems like a good idea to talk back or roll your eyes at me in front of your friends. Consider this your warning.
You’re growing up. I actually feel like I’m handling it quite well thus far. While I miss your tiny hands and itty bitty feet, and the smell of lavender baby shampoo under my nose as I rocked you to sleep at night all those years ago, I look forward to the many, many things we have yet to share. Things we’ll both remember. This milestone is just the beginning.
Have a great year, sweetie.
Love,
Mom
Meredith carried a goody-goody image her entire life until she started a blog and happily abandoned that façade. Wine drinking and sarcasm are key themes for The Girl Next Door Drinks and Swears where she laments on the ridiculousness of marriage and parenthood. You can also connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.
Something to Chew On – Big League Culture (post by Kirk Weisler)
People that know me know that I don’t watch much TV. In fact our family has never had a cable package and Rebecca and I haven’t ever wanted one (well almost never – the Olympics would be an exception). This is not to say that we don’t have family movie nights or occasionally find a show or series that the family especially likes and subscribe to Netflix or Hulu for a month to watch it. (The Kids love “Once Upon a Time” and since Rebecca has been pregnant and feeling sick we have gathered with her to watch “Master Chef” – and we have recently enjoyed the 6 available episodes of the British produced Sherlock Holmes.)
Even then though we have tried to do this in a way that creates family gathering and builds family culture. (think team meetings) Because a gathering can be a time of strengthening – a time to build relationships, and to create shared and common experiences. From those shared and common experiences we create the foundation for discussion and discovery. This is often as simple as asking a few questions…such as: What did you think about that? Why did you like it? What if you or we had been in that situation? What do you hope will happen in the next episode? Who do you want to win? What bothered you most about their reaction?
The answers to these questions can provide insight into how people think, how they see the world, what they value and in short to who they are and who they are becoming.
Building big teams and building culture doesn’t have to be complicated and in fact shouldn’t be. It does however need to be intentional. Especially if you want it to be exceptional or at the very least special. It doesn’t take as much effort to be in the minor leagues as it does to be in the big ones.
Every team, like every family, has and will always have a culture… a way of being. But only the teams that are intentional about it – are likely to have the more positive and powerful cultures. Excellence and greatness rarely happen by accident. They are rather the result of intentional and continuous efforts. You don’t see gold medals around the necks of the unintentional. Rather they hang around the necks of those who know clearly what they want (vision) have set and openly discussed many times their goals to realize that vision (mission) and have implemented regular patterns of behavior to help them accomplish that mission (strategy – aka , traditions, rituals, habits – intentional)
Preparing for the Big League tryouts.
I am not saying or claiming that our family culture is excellent or great, but we are working and hoping to make it as positive, peaceful and powerful as we possibly can. Our family(think your team) , like anyone else’s has stuff to work on. We know it….and we’re OK with it. Heck, it’s why we are a team…. to work together on that stuff.
But along with our “opportunities for growth”(weaknesses) we also have many wonderful strengths. And so do you and your team. We can let those strengths languish and atrophy by not working on them or…. we can get more intentional about using them to get ourselves and our teams ready for a bigger challenge…to move up from little league into the big league. Now that is something to chew on.
I never saw the following Nike commercial until this morning (stuff I miss because I don’t watch television) but it inspired today’s T4D and I hope it will inspired as it did me…to stop playing small and get into a bigger game.
