What kind of dream do you get when you watch Law & Order: SVU, catch the evening news, AND take a double dose of magnesium before bed?

Apparently… A WHOLE CRAZY-A$$ MOVIE!! 🤣🤣🤣

So I dreamt that me, my kids, AND my ex-husband were all riding together to my friend’s house for her son’s birthday party.

First of all… why am I riding anywhere with my ex-husband?! 🤨
Right there I should’ve known this dream was already off the rails. 😂

Then I find out my friend had another baby late in life and FINALLY had a boy! Now, I’ve had some version of this dream about her more than once, so apparently my subconscious is trying to tell me:

CALL THAT GURL! 😂😂😂

Anywhooooo…

We get to the party. 🎉 I’m mingling, talking to folks, doing the party thing. I turn around and notice…

MY WHOLE FAMILY IS GONE.

They LEFT ME!!! 😳

WHAT THE WHAT?!?!

I look down the street and they are GONE gone.

And where am I?

DEL PASO.

And it’s getting DARK. 👀

Now Dream Me is thinking, Okayyyy… surely they’re coming back to pick me up.

But it keeps getting darker.

So now I’m like, Ummm… maybe I should just call a Lyft. 😐

I go back to the house where the party was…

THE HOUSE IS GONE.

Not just the party.

THE WHOLE DANG NEIGHBORHOOD CHANGED!!! 😭😂

At this point, my dream has officially gone from family comedy to an episode of The Twilight Zone.

So I go back toward the street looking for my ride, and now it’s even darker.

Then I see a group of guys coming toward me.

OH LORT. 😳

And because apparently I am a survival expert in my dreams, I think:

Okay… let me start acting a little cuckoo so they’ll leave me alone. 🤪

And what do I pull out???

A BABY CONVERSE SHOE. 👶🏽👟

AND START USING IT LIKE A PHONE!!! 📞🤣🤣🤣🤣

I’m walking around talking into this tiny baby Converse like:

“Hello?? Yeah… uh-huh… okay…”

These guys walk up like:

“Hey baby, what’s your name?”

I’m still committed to my performance.

“Leave me alone!”

Then one of them grabs my little shoe-phone and goes:

“Hey man, look at this baby shoe!” 😂😂😂

Then they’re laughing and still trying to talk to me.

Now I’m thinking:

OH NO. MY CRAZY ACT AIN’T WORKING!!! 😭🤣

So I try to SCREAM.

Nothing comes out.

You know that dream scream where your mouth is open, you’re giving it EVERYTHING you’ve got, but your vocal cords are apparently still asleep?!

That was me.

But somewhere in my dream I said:

“OH NO. THIS TIME I’M LETTING THIS SCREAM OUT!”

So I kept trying…

and trying…

and FINALLY—

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! 😱😱😱

I screamed FOR REAL and woke myself up!!!

Then I’m lying there cracking up, wondering:

DID I JUST WAKE UP MY NEIGHBORS?! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

So tonight’s lesson is:

❌ Law & Order: SVU before bed
❌ Evening news before bed
❌ Double magnesium
❌ Riding anywhere with my ex-husband—even in my dreams 😂

And apparently, if I’m ever in trouble…

👶🏽👟 Baby Converse = emergency phone.

Goodnight, y’all. 😂😂😂