Posted: 10 Apr 2015 12:51 PM PDT

By Leo Babauta

There’s a way of being that I’m trying to cultivate in myself — to let go of wanting others to be way.

Here’s the problem: we all get frustrated with other people. We want our kids to do certain things, our spouses to be less something or other, our friends to change their lives, our relatives to be healthier, other people to be less rude, etc etc.

So what can we do about this? It can drive us crazy, but we can’t make it happen. It’s out of our control. Trying to change others, wanting them to be the way we want them to be, just doesn’t work. The alternative, though, is unthinkable to most of us: to just let others be however they want to be. Even when that annoys you.

Here’s the way of being that I’m trying to cultivate:

1. To remind myself that I don’t control others.
2. To remind myself that other people can live their lives however they want.
3. To see the good in them.
4. To let go of an ideal that I have that’s causing the frustration.
5. To see that when others are being difficult, they are having a hard time coping. And to empathize with this.
6. To remember when I’ve had a hard time, when I struggled with change, when I’ve been frustrated.
7. To do what I can to help them: to be of service, to listen, to make them feel heard, to make them feel accepted.

I’m not good at this yet, but when I find my way, it helps. It makes me less frustrated, it helps me to be more mindful, it improves my relationships, it helps others feel better. I wish this for all of you.

NATALIA, Texas – Luis Velasquez is a Texas high school student and he created arguably the sweetest promposal ever. For those unfamiliar with the term, a “promposal” is when students ask each other to prom, most of the time in elaborate ways.

It was the thoughtfulness behind the way he asked that will pull at your heartstrings.

Tiffany is a special-needs student at the high school. Luis decided to ask Tiffany to prom and went as far as to ask her grandparents for permission. He even got the school principal to help out.

Luis’ mom Jessica said Tiffany has been sweet to Luis for a long time. She’s baked cookies for Luis on holidays and they’ve been friends since 7th grade.

During a practice fire drill, Luis had students line a sidewalk with a large sign spelling out “P-R-O-M?” for Tiffany. He also had roses in her favorite colors (pink and blue) and her favorite song play: Bruno Mars’ “Just the Way You Are.”

If that’s not kind enough, Luis comforted a visibly overwhelmed Tiffany as he led her down the sidewalk.

Watch the video above to see Luis’ grand gesture for Tiffany.

Luis’ mom said she, her husband, and Tiffany’s grandparents are working to make sure prom night is one Tiffany will always remember.

“He came to me and said, ‘Mom, I want to ask Tiffany to prom because she’s a good person and she deserves it,” Luis’ mom said.

Since the video was posted, Jessica said people have been reaching out with offers to help make the day great.

USA Today INSPIRATION NATION

By Leo Babauta

When we’re frustrated with others, or feeling bad about ourselves … we often turn toward habits that comfort us:

• distractions
• food
• shopping
• smoking
• drugs/alcohol

These don’t often work, because they tend to make us feel worse in the long run. We become unhappier, more stressed, and then need to seek comfort in these things again … and the cycle continues.

These are sometimes the only ways we know of comforting ourselves! I know this because for a long time I always turned to all of the above for comfort when I was feeling stressed or bad about myself. It made me very unhealthy and it took a long time to change my patterns.

Today I’d like to suggest a method of self-compassion that I’ve been learning, that has worked wonders.

The Self-Compassion Method

Try this now if you’re feeling stressed, frustrated, in pain, disappointed, angry, anxious, worried, or depressed:

1. Notice. Take a moment to turn inward and notice your pain in this moment. Now notice where it is in your body, and how it feels. Describe the pain to yourself in physical terms, in terms of quality, in terms of color or shape or motion.
2. Accept. Now tell yourself that it’s OK to have this pain. It’s perfectly OK to feel bad about yourself, to feel bad about your body, to feel frustrated with someone else. Let yourself feel the pain.
3. Comfort. Now treat this pain with compassion, like you would with a friend who is suffering, or your child who is in pain. Be gentle with it, kind to it, like a suffering child. Comfort it. How would you comfort your friend whose parent just died?
4. Smile. Finally, try wishing your pain well, wish it happiness. Give it love. Smile at your pain in compassion.

This method takes a lot of practice, for sure. I’m still learning it myself, and I don’t claim to be an expert at self-compassion. But I’ve found it to be truly amazing, because we very rarely do this for ourselves. We’re good at being kind to others when they’re having a difficult time, perhaps, but not always with ourselves.

And it can be transformative. If you practice compassion with your pain, it becomes less of a burden. You realize that it’s temporary, you feel less bad about being frustrated. And you feel loved — by yourself.

Forgive everything! Forgiveness does not erase the memory of an experience, it neutralizes its impact. There are simply no words that adequately describe the power and efficacy of forgiveness. ~ Iyanla Vanzant