The personal discovery story that follows by Tessa Egg is a good one that I think might be summed up with these words “We see the world not as it is, but as we are.” Said another way… We are constantly reflecting ourselves and our world view onto the world around us. So how is the view?
Here’s Tessa
Wise men say that if another person annoys, upsets, or angers you, it’s because you see in that person a reflection of yourself.
The things we tend to dislike the most in other people are the very qualities that we ourselves possess.
“Oh, no,” we usually protest. “I’m nothing like so-and-so. I hate his personality so much that I would go never be like that!” But if we’re honest with ourselves (truly honest), and examine our hearts deeply, we’ll discover that the qualities we despise the most in other people are a reflection of what we carry inside. I remember a man my husband used to work with…something about him grated on my nerves.
Outwardly, there was no reason I should have disliked him so much. He was always very pleasant. Extremely nice. Very accommodating. Everyone who knew him liked him. But he bugged the heck out of me. Finally, I was able to put my finger on it. He was always too nice. Nice in a passive-aggressive kind of way. You always got the feeling he was straining to smile and be pleasant, while on the inside he was covering up a lot of his true feelings. In short, he was a big phony. He thought he was fooling everyone, and maybe he was, but I saw through his veneer. Once I was finally able to articulate to myself what bothered me about him, he annoyed me even more. It got to the point I wanted to scream at him whenever I saw him. “Be yourself!” I wanted to shout. “Quit pretending to be Mr. Nice Guy with that fake smile and forced friendliness act!”
Then, one day, I started thinking, “Why does his phoniness bother me so much? Why does he always provoke such a strong negative reaction in me?” And then it hit me. Hard. Like a fist to the stomach. I was exactly the same way. Gulp. I find this little test holds true in any situation where I have an unusually strong reaction toward another person. If I’m honest, I’ll always find that I’m reacting so strongly because the other person is reflecting back an unpleasant part of my own personality. Sometimes, it can take a very long time (years, even) and a lot of soul-searching to find the connection. It’s hard to acknowledge that we have the same qualities that we so despise in others. But if we dig deep, the connection is there. Scary, isn’t it?
A story worth reflecting on…
Kirk out
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