It’s not often that parents want to talk about their son or daughter committing suicide.
But in the case of 27 year-old Troy Vaden, that’s exactly what his mother wants.
“Our hope is by sharing Troy’s story that a life may be saved.”
Troy was from the Bay Area.
That’s him with his wife and their now 17 month-old daughter.
Troy was incredibly smart.
And he was just weeks away from receiving his Masters degree in Chemistry from UC Davis.
But Troy had also battled depression and alcoholism for years.
And earlier this month Troy committed suicide.
His mom Karen asked me if I would tell Troy’s story:
“(I want people) to stop thinking that you are “crazy” if you are seeing a therapist or psychiatrist.
I want people to see depression as a disease and not have a stigma tied to it.”
I talked to both Karen and Troy’s wife Emily on the phone.
I asked Emily about their daughter.
She said:
“My daughter has been saying Dada a lot.
And has been looking around for him.”
Troy left behind a suicide note.
And some of what he said was heartbreaking.
His wife says:
”Troy talked about how he loved his daughter and that he wanted her to have a happy life.
He also apologized to his parents for being a “difficult” son.
But he said ‘this is something that I have to do.’”
Troy’s mother says the last time she saw him was the day before Mother’s day:
“He gave me my Mother’s Day gift, a coffee mug with pictures of his daughter on it.
We had a very good day together.
I left late afternoon and he gave me a big hug and kiss and said he loved me.”
Two days later Troy committed suicide.
Troy’s family tried to get him help.
But people have told me that depression is like a “dark cloud” hanging over you.
And sometimes all you want is the pain to go away.
Troy always felt like he could do it on his own
To “man up” so to speak.
And his wife says she doesn’t think there’s any more she could have done.
Because she says family and friends can only do so much:
“The only thing that would have saved his life would have been Troy seeking and maintaining professional help and realizing he was the solution, not video games or alcohol or other substances.”
But at the same time Emily says:
“I wish I had told him more often how much he meant to me.
I wish I had been more patient and understanding when he was struggling.
And I wish I had hugged and kissed him more.”
It’s estimated that one person commits suicide every 13 minutes in the United States.
That means in the time it took me to write this post at least eight people took their lives.
Suicide affects so many people.
And this week on my “Let’s be Frank” segment on the KTVU Youtube page, I talk more about Troy and suicide and depression.
It’s not me being a reporter.
It’s just me talking.
And here’s the link:
http://youtu.be/b4hPqu_f7FI
Troy is going to be awarded his Master’s degree posthumously.
His wife will be accepting it on his behalf.
And his mother has asked her friends and neighbors to share their stories about Troy.
She’s going to make it into a book and give it to Troy’s daughter when she’s older.
The sad fact is, she will never “know” her daddy.
But at least with the book she won’t forget her daddy.
And she’ll always “know” that he had a lot of great qualities.
This is obviously a difficult post to “like”.
I will assume if you do hit “like” that it’s your way of saying your thoughts are with her.
And here are two links.
The first one is a group working to change the conversation about mental health.
http://activeminds.org/
And the second one is National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Remember if you’re feeling depressed talk to someone.
That’s not a sign of weakness.
That’s a sign of strength!
