Hold Your Own Feet to the Fire
By Leo Babauta
Lots of us want to change our habits — get healthier, procrastinate less, write a book, save some money, get fit, read more, get good at something.
And when it comes to changing habits, we know what doesn’t work.
What doesn’t work: saying you’re going to make a change, intending to, and then failing to do it.
You’ve done this, and so have I: you say, “I’m going to start eating healthier and exercising!” And you truly mean to do it. And you start out trying your best. And then things just kinda fade away, fizzle out, flop.
That’s what we all do, repeatedly, and it absolutely doesn’t work.
So what does work?
Holding your own feet to the fire. Making it happen. Really committing to it.
How to Hold Your Feet to the Fire
What does holding your own feet to the fire look like? Here are some examples from my own life:
- When I wanted to quit smoking, I signed up on a smoking cessation forum online, promised people on there I wouldn’t smoke without posting on the forum first, had an accountability partner, made a promise to my wife and daughter, publicly logged my successes. I didn’t back down, for the first time in my life.
- When I wanted to run a marathon, I signed up to write a column every other week in my local newspaper. Everyone on Guam knew I was running my first marathon, and they didn’t let me weasel out of it.
- I wanted to get into better running shape a couple years ago, so I let my friend Scott talk me into running a 50-mile ultramarathon. That motivated me to actually train, and I got into probably the best running shape of my life doing that.
- I wanted to get leaner, so I asked my friend Dick to coach me. He gave me a nutrition and workout plan, and kept me accountable for about a year. It worked, and I became noticeably leaner.
- I wanted to go deeper and learn more about mindfulness, so recently my friend and coach Toku created a mindfulness lesson plan, and now I’m meditating, reading Buddhist texts, eating mindfully, every day. And reporting to him weekly.
- I wanted to learn more about chess, but I always seem to quit learning after a couple weeks. So I signed up for a tournament, and even though I knew I would lose, I studied harder and learned more that ever before, preparing for the tournament.
- I wanted to break the habits of snacking on my kids and eating mindlessly when I ate out at restaurants, so I made a 6-month commitment to my friend Tynan, where he promised to throw a pie in my face and post a video of it online if I failed. I didn’t fail.
If you want to get better at something, sign up for a race or tournament.
If you want to stick to something, make a big commitment. Tell people you’ll do an embarrassing consequence if you fail.
If you want to do something daily, ask a friend to hold you accountable. Report daily. Get a trainer. Sign up for a class.
Most people are reluctant to take that big step, which is why they keep doing the same thing over and over: the way that doesn’t work.
Instead, take that big step today. Hold your feet to the fire, and don’t let yourself back down when things get tough.
The World Owes You Nothing (post by Kirk Weisler)
“A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.” – H.L. Mencken
Do you know anyone like that?
cyn·i·cism (sn-szm) n.
1. An attitude of scornful or jaded negativity, especially a general distrust of the integrity or professed motives of others.
2. A scornfully or jadedly negative comment or act.
If successful people have one common trait, it’s an utter lack of cynicism. The world owes them nothing. They go out and find what they need without asking for permission; they’re driven, talented, and work through negatives by focusing on the positives. -Mike Zimmerman
It’s a proven fact that choosing to be positive takes more effort, focus and self discipline than being negative, cynical or sarcastic. So let’s choose to do the hard thing, the best thing, and the right thing by choosing to focus on the positives and the possibilities as we solve the problems that are before us.
Kirk Out.
Johanna channeling Aretha Franklin!
This is my kinda of girl. Too cute!!
9-Year-Old Girl Building Personal Homeless Shelters for Her ‘Friends’ (by ABC News)
Jun 4, 2015, 9:58 AM ET
Her mom said yes, and for the last four years, that’s what Hailey’s been doing: helping the homeless, with the help of her mom. She plans to build 12 mobile shelters this year.
The recipient of the first shelter, Hailey’s mom Miranda Fort told ABC News, is a man named Edward. “She [Hailey] went through all of her homeless friends and made the decision based on a number of things. This shelter doesn’t have a place for a wheelchair, so it wasn’t a good fit for Billy Ray. Similarly, it wasn’t a good fit for her friend Tonka, a dog, and his owner. Edward stuck out because he has always been so gracious when receiving food.”
Miranda said the family has already met with the city to make sure the shelter won’t cause a problem though its exact location has not yet been determined. “Our city ordinance on the issue states that it can be placed on a church lot. We have a few leads on churches that will allow his structure, but for Edward’s safety we aren’t disclosing where.”
Food is another one of Hailey’s priorities. She grows fruits and vegetables, and hopes to grow 250 pounds for the homeless this year. She’s begun documenting her progress on a Facebook page “Hailey’s Harvest.” The homeless, her mom said, are people she counts as her friends. It’s that friendship, in part, that keeps her going. “Hailey is repeatedly told that she can stop at any time but she continues because this is her passion. I think a lot has to do with setting such high goals and then the rush she gets when she meets them.”
In addition to the 12 mobile shelters and 250 pounds of food: 1000 toiletries, 500 feminine hygiene products and 100 coats. She’s trying to raise $1,000 on her GoFundMe page and is about three-fourths of the way there.
The community has been supportive of Hailey’s efforts. The cost to build one shelter, her mom said, is about $300, but the reason that price is so low is because she gets many items donated. The walls are made of pallets, which are stuffed with recycled denim insulation. The structure has a shingled roof, drywall, wood siding, and vinyl flooring. The house will have window curtains, a solar-powered lamp and most importantly, a lock on the front door.
Hailey’s dad Quentin, said Hailey’s — and Miranda’s — selflessness “comes from a place which seems foreign to most but seems completely natural to them.”
“It is no surprise to me that Hailey is this selfless with Miranda as an example, I am immensely proud of the contributions Hailey has made and will continue to make to her community. I just hope we, as parents, can do enough to satiate her desire to help those in need.”
Will You??
Should I wish it or will it?
“The most important thing in life is to stop saying ‘I wish’ and start saying ‘I will.’ Consider nothing impossible, then treat possibilities as probabilities.” – David Copperfield
My daughter Brittany once attended a summer leadership camp with the theme “I will go”. The camp directors made it a point for every question to be answered with a loud, “I will!” Every time someone at camp gave a challenge or asked a question, participants were to answer “I will!” Brittany continued this after the camp was over.
Years later, while doing a college internship, a supervisor once said to her, “You never say ‘sure’ or ‘I’ll try’…you always say ‘I will!’, and I like that. It makes me feel like I can always count on you to get stuff done.”
What do you think is so different about saying “I will!” instead of saying “Yes”, “I can do that”, “I’ll try”, “Okay”, etc?
Will you say “I will” today? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this T4D. If you’d like to, please head over to the blog and leave a comment. I love reading and learning from them.
Kirk Out.
27 year-old Troy Vaden (post by Frank Somerville KTVU)
It’s not often that parents want to talk about their son or daughter committing suicide.
But in the case of 27 year-old Troy Vaden, that’s exactly what his mother wants.
“Our hope is by sharing Troy’s story that a life may be saved.”
Troy was from the Bay Area.
That’s him with his wife and their now 17 month-old daughter.
Troy was incredibly smart.
And he was just weeks away from receiving his Masters degree in Chemistry from UC Davis.
But Troy had also battled depression and alcoholism for years.
And earlier this month Troy committed suicide.
His mom Karen asked me if I would tell Troy’s story:
“(I want people) to stop thinking that you are “crazy” if you are seeing a therapist or psychiatrist.
I want people to see depression as a disease and not have a stigma tied to it.”
I talked to both Karen and Troy’s wife Emily on the phone.
I asked Emily about their daughter.
She said:
“My daughter has been saying Dada a lot.
And has been looking around for him.”
Troy left behind a suicide note.
And some of what he said was heartbreaking.
His wife says:
”Troy talked about how he loved his daughter and that he wanted her to have a happy life.
He also apologized to his parents for being a “difficult” son.
But he said ‘this is something that I have to do.’”
Troy’s mother says the last time she saw him was the day before Mother’s day:
“He gave me my Mother’s Day gift, a coffee mug with pictures of his daughter on it.
We had a very good day together.
I left late afternoon and he gave me a big hug and kiss and said he loved me.”
Two days later Troy committed suicide.
Troy’s family tried to get him help.
But people have told me that depression is like a “dark cloud” hanging over you.
And sometimes all you want is the pain to go away.
Troy always felt like he could do it on his own
To “man up” so to speak.
And his wife says she doesn’t think there’s any more she could have done.
Because she says family and friends can only do so much:
“The only thing that would have saved his life would have been Troy seeking and maintaining professional help and realizing he was the solution, not video games or alcohol or other substances.”
But at the same time Emily says:
“I wish I had told him more often how much he meant to me.
I wish I had been more patient and understanding when he was struggling.
And I wish I had hugged and kissed him more.”
It’s estimated that one person commits suicide every 13 minutes in the United States.
That means in the time it took me to write this post at least eight people took their lives.
Suicide affects so many people.
And this week on my “Let’s be Frank” segment on the KTVU Youtube page, I talk more about Troy and suicide and depression.
It’s not me being a reporter.
It’s just me talking.
And here’s the link:
http://youtu.be/b4hPqu_f7FI
Troy is going to be awarded his Master’s degree posthumously.
His wife will be accepting it on his behalf.
And his mother has asked her friends and neighbors to share their stories about Troy.
She’s going to make it into a book and give it to Troy’s daughter when she’s older.
The sad fact is, she will never “know” her daddy.
But at least with the book she won’t forget her daddy.
And she’ll always “know” that he had a lot of great qualities.
This is obviously a difficult post to “like”.
I will assume if you do hit “like” that it’s your way of saying your thoughts are with her.
And here are two links.
The first one is a group working to change the conversation about mental health.
http://activeminds.org/
And the second one is National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Remember if you’re feeling depressed talk to someone.
That’s not a sign of weakness.
That’s a sign of strength!
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