Most Embarrassing Things Ever Blurted Out By Kids (by Dan Pearce)

“What is the most embarrassing thing your child has ever blurted out to others?”

BY DAN PEARCE (danoah.com) ·

CATEGORIES: BROUGHT TO YOU BY YOU, HUMOR, PARENTING, POPULAR POSTS

1. One time while in the fitting room, I overheard a little boy say, quite loudly, “Mommy, are you buying this new swimsuit because you poop-farted in your one last year?”
2. While out on a river in a boat with a bunch of friends, my 10-year-old announced she needs to go to the bathroom. I calmly tell her she’s gonna have to wait, to which she yells, “Mom, I have to poop! I’m crowning!”
3. “Mom, please don’t sell me on Craigslist! I’ll be good.”
4. During my divorce, while the kids and I were at Walmart buying groceries, I put a bottle of wine in my cart and my daughter yells, “Oh, look, Mom’s sad again.”
5. My daughter once yelled out “I LOVE VAGINA” as loud as possible in a Walmart. Too bad she was actually referring to LASAGNA – which is what we were having for dinner.
6. After getting new Toy Story undies, my son yelled to the drive-through workers at Chick-fil-A, “I’ve gotta woody in my pants!”
7. The priest stood up for the second time to speak at my grandson’s Christening yesterday and as he began to speak my 5 year old son yelled, “Oh no, not again”.
8. My son was feeling really badly about pooping his pants, so to make him feel better I told him that it happens to everyone, even mommy. The next day we walked in to daycare and told the lead teacher “Yesterday I pooped my pants, but mom said it was ok; it happens to her all the time.”
9. My eldest once said “Mom, did you know there are people who don’t want kids?!” I asked how he knew that to which he replied “THEY BUY CARS WITH ONLY TWO DOORS!”
10. When I was pregnant, I ended up having to take my three year old daughter to one of my OB appointments. My doctor had to do a vaginal exam to which my daughter replied loudly “Mommy, how come you show your ‘gina to EVERYONE!!??”
11. In church, right at the elevation of the Host, my then four year old yelled, “Mom, did you know a cat’s butt is called an ANUS?”
12. I was at a store when a toddler was asking her mother for something. The mother was very agitated at the toddler and the toddler blurted out “Mommy needs more wine!”
13. Playing with my daughter when she was six and singing Little Bunny Foo-Foo… After a minute she stopped and said “wow, that Bunny Foo-Foo is a real b****!”
14. I was volunteering in a third grade classroom reading the Weekly Readers with a group of students. The topic was The Great American Smoke Out when people are encouraged to quit smoking for a day. One little boy proclaimed his Mommy’s boyfriend smoked in the house… But only when Daddy was away on business.
15. “Mommy, that lady’s butt is even bigger than yours!!!”
16. My nine year old daughter said “Dad, Mom said I’m like you. I don’t have any common sense. Is that true?”
17. My son, then five, was on his first soccer team. The color of the team was blue. The coach and the team gather around to choose a name. “Any ideas?”, the coach asks. My son yells out “Blue balls!”
18. My, then two year old, being held by a woman who drew on her eyebrows, exclaimed “You have something on your face!” Followed by proudly wiping off one eyebrow, he said, “There I got it for ya!”
19. Walking through a department store lingerie department and my then 5 year old bellows, “Mama, why are you looking at panties? You don’t wear those!”
20. After biting his little sister, a friend of ours jokingly told our son, “sisters don’t taste good, but girlfriends do”. Much to my horror, he repeated it to his entire kindergarten class.
21. We were at church and they called the young children to the front to talk about tithing and stealing and they asked, “If you found some money lying on the ground, what would you do?” My then four year old daughter replied, “Finders keepers, losers weepers.”
22. While getting communion, I was holding my two year old daughter. After I received communion my daughter promptly said, “Where’s my damn cookie?”
23. “Mommy has a badonkadonk butt!”
24. “How come you don’t have any money? Are we POOR!?” at the Walmart checkout when I told her we didn’t have money for toys.
25. My son telling a random stranger with a dog , “You know what my dog does? He humps me.”
26. To a man with an eye patch, my four year old pointed and said: “Look mama, a pirate! Arrrrrrgh!!!”
27. We were entering a petting zoo and my young son announces loudly, “I can’t wait to see a camel toe!”
28. My three year old daughter, Tegan, was at the ENT. The Dr. told her that he was giving her nasal spray that mommy had to squirt up her nose every day. He told her it would help her sneezes and stop her snoring. Tegan leaned in and as serious as a judge says “Doctor, I guess you will need to give my Mommy some spray, too.”
29. During the Lord’s prayer my daughter clearly tells everyone, “Thy will be DUMB”.
30. “My mommy has a baby in her tummy and when it finds the hole, it’s going to come out!”
31. In Victoria’s Secret, my then 4 year old said, “Mom, Dad said this is too much to spend on dental floss.”
32. My 4-year-old daughter shouted out in a restaurant, “Look, mom! Those black people are eating lunch with those white people! And those black people are blacker than those black people!” Mortified, I whispered, “It is not nice to talk about people, especially so loud that they can hear you!” Then she whispered, “It’s just like Dr. King’s dream!” She had been learning about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. in preschool.
33. My son informed my mother in law that my husband hid from her when he saw her at Whole Foods.
34. My son told his sitter that he is a Clownfish, Nana is a mermaid, and Mama is a beluga whale